a peak of happiness

When i saw her use the key chain, for the keys of the balls, a smile crossed my face....
when she posted my 2nd work in photoshop, with a caption "nice" i felt so happy...

why? because, she is the very special to me...she's always the first one to do the drills which makes her like the unluckiest person in the world because she's the first one to experience the first time i'll be throwing balls for that drill....which means i still don't know how to do the drill, i have a hard time watching her do the drills, i feel that of all my team mates, she's the one that suffers most...that's why i couldn't look at her straight in the eye or talk to her normally because i feel so ashamed...i could always empathize with her pain but never say anything about it...my glimpse of happiness ends when i see her teary eyed or so tired...

~bye!

why?

I am selfish...i have a hard time letting go...i love holding on to the people i love...that it hurts me so much when i see them go...but once i care, i always will...i may seem like i don't..but really i do...but its only that i'm afraid of showing affection again...its stupid for me to do that i know...but that's just who i am...i do say i love you...and every time that i say that i really really really really mean it...because its from the bottom of my heart......

i'm lost...lost in deep emotions...i may seem happy...but every time that i'm alone, i stare into nothingness thinking of every time i spend with those whom i love the most...i'm sorry...i just couldn't let go...

every moment does count...every smile...every tear....and every single pain that i feel, it doubles every time i see them...because i find it so hard to let go......its wrong, i know, but i just want to be me....

why does it hurt? why do i suffer this way?
-Why? because God wants me to learn...He doesn't give me challenges that He knows i can't handle...He knows i can make it out...

crap...

this is the crappiest day ever.....i never had a worse day than today....crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap...everything today is crappy....everyday just makes me feel worse....stupid li shr test stupid day, stupid self..i wonder why it hurts so much? malay...basta masakit...i shouldn't have...sorry...entirely my fault.

~bye

bad trip

Hay... i think i'm gona fail that cursed Li shr test....

invincible

the english test yesterday literally drained my brain =( now i'm going gaga!

one thing that i actually made up during the test was the last line of the "story of love" with love as the one narrating the story...

the last line was....

i am invincible to anyone but myself...

weird huh? but that was how i understood the poem...couldn't possibly blame me for that now can you?